My Blog = My Life: biblical womanhood

Every once in a while you get really stretched as a blogger, and it's a good thing. Like this past week, for example, when a dear reader wrote me a letter that nearly broke my heart.

A homeschooling mother of six who loves the role God has given her, she finds herself between a rock and a hard place. Illness has left her husband unable to provide financially for his family and with unsupportive relatives and a church that scoffs at their decision to leave their fertility in the hands of the Lord, they are struggling not just to pay the bills, but to keep the mouths of their hungry children fed.

This dear mother shares the convictions I expressed in The Cost of Being A Stay-at-Home Mom and would love nothing more than to raise her children in the way she believes God calls her too. However, after waiting on the Lord for his direction, they see no other alternative than for her to work outside the home in order to provide basic necessities like food and clothing for their family.

Their desire is to live for Christ in every area of their lives; she wrote me wondering how the possibility of her being employed outside the home jives with Scripture.

A few questions that would help shape my answer include:

• How permanent is your husband's condition?
• Is your husband able to home school your children?
• Can you work from home (Proverbs 31)?
• Is there a church in the area that takes God's institution of the diaconate more seriously than the one you attend now?
• Is there any possibility of moving to a cheaper home, city, or state?
• How old are your children? Are they able to contribute at all to the family income or engage in a family business?
• You said you don't have any support from your relatives; is there a close friend or an older mentor who would be willing to help out with a loan (Leviticus 25:35-37)?
• It sounds like you've already cut every corner you can think of, but just in case, is there any way you can live on less? One vehicle instead of two? Sell unused toys and clothes on consignment? Hang your laundry on the line instead of using the dryer, etc.?

The story of Deborah in the book of Judges is one such example. Contrary to popular opinion, Deborah's leadership role as a prophetess is not an excuse or a reason for women of our day to do the same. There is no question she performed her job well or that God blessed it and ultimately used Deborah's actions to bring men back into leadership. But it was to Israel's great shame that God had to raise up a woman to support the men and warn them of their cowardice.
When God puts a godly person in a position where they are forced to act in a way that seemingly contradicts the rest of Scripture, someone else must always bear the punishment, guilt, fault, or shame (i.e. Hosea). In Deborah's case, it was the wimpy Israelite men of whom there was not found one with the courage to take the responsibility and lead.

In the case of the dear mother who wrote me earlier this week, I believe the shame lies with her unsupportive relatives and church. She is being forced outside of the home because her family and church have forsaken their biblical responsibilities (1 Timothy 5:8; 16; Leviticus 25:35-37; Proverbs 19:17; Psalm 112:5).

God instituted the diaconate so that the needs of the poor, of whom He said would always be with us (Mark 14:7), would be met. I never like suggesting that a family leave a church but if they are not cared for to such a degree that a mother of six children must leave her sacred responsibilities to keep her family from going hungry, it may be time to find a body of believers that recognize the importance of a mother's influence in the home and will joyfully make the sacrifices necessary so it can happen (James 1:27).

Unless her husband's condition improves and he is able once again to "bring home the bacon," or her church and family step up to the plate and in biblical love take care of those among them who are hurting, I believe this dear lady is not at all acting inappropriately in a situation that is less than ideal.

We serve a big God. Just as He was able to bless Deborah's efforts and restore Israel, so He can bless this mother, her husband, and children far above what we could even ask or think (Ephesians 3:20,21) during her temporary time of outside employment.

Linking to: Time-Warp Wife, Far Above Rubies, Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots At Home, Wise Woman, Raising Arrows, Raising Mighty Arrows, Hearts for Home, The Better Mom, A Mama's Story

Our 4-year-old daughter has no qualms about being feminine. She does her school in her princess dress, loves stories about princesses, hates wearing pants, wants to get married (to Daddy), diapers and clothes her stuffed dog multiple times a day, and believes green and blue are colors that should be reserved for boys.

Being girly is just so... so natural to girls (most of 'em)! Little girl, who aren't old enough to understand or conform to the most degrading and dehumanizing aspect of our culture: feminism.
I wish there was a way I could preserve my daughter's natural inclination to girly things. How can I raise her to be feminine in a feminist culture? A times, the challenge overwhelms me.
Society, at large, stifles biblical womanhood.. Girls get told it's a "waste of intelligence" to stay at home and raise children. Motherhood is a "mindless" routine that consists of changing diapers and being shackled to the stove. We know it's not a waste of time, but defending our decision seems like a losing battle. After all, there are a lot more of "them" than there are of "us."
In the end, it comes down to who gets to define the terms: neither you nor I. God alone, the Creator of women, wields that kind of authority, and He hasn't left it up to us to play the guessing game with our role or how we should act.

His Word is filled with meaning, instruction, and examples of mothers, wives, daughters, grandmothers, saints, sinners, lovers, nurturers, teachers, peacemakers, artists, and so much more. All we need to know about what makes for blessed society is right at our finger tips.

Still, we somehow believe our culture's vision for "liberating women" is better than the One who created women and came to set them free from their self-induced bondage.

Somehow we find ourselves in an identity crisis that our Bible-believing foremothers did not seem to have.

Somehow our "liberation" in the 21st century has bound us to a cubicle of tormenting doubts about what we are doing as women.
Somehow filing a stack of paperwork in an office is more important than sorting laundry.

Somehow drawing up a spreadsheet requires more creativity than artfully decorating your home.

Somehow teaching 30 kids to read takes more preparation than instructing three children how to live.

Somehow it requires sheer brilliance to manage employees in the corporate office while raising our children to be intelligent, honorable citizens is a demoted to a brainless job.

Somehow, if you get paid for doing one of the thousand jobs a mother does in a day, you can call yourself an expert.
We buckle under the pressure and bashfully admit, "Oh, I'm just a stay-at-home Mom."

We attempt to justify our choice by rambling on about all the other things we do with our "spare time" as though being a mother isn't a real job. "Well, I'm a chef, baker, time management expert, teacher, personal shopper, repairman, financial adviser, writer, etc."

It's time to stop apologizing.
Whether we find life as a woman to be stifling or liberating is ultimately our choice. The paradox of Scripture is that submission brings the greatest freedom and that death brings life. Only when we die to ourselves, our dreams, and our desires, will we find vitality and freedom in pursuing the high calling of biblical womanhood with joy, intelligence, and purpose.

If we get this, if our daughters get this, we can begin fostering femininity back into our feminist world.

The idea that a mother's place is in the home is no longer a popular one - not even within the Church. That said, most God-fearing mothers who choose a career over staying at home are not necessarily motivated by selfish desires, but by a culture which seems to leave them with no choice. It just doesn't make sense when an extra income would surely be more beneficial for their children in the long run... wouldn't it?

Scene #1: Perhaps a couple recognizes their young children are extraordinarily gifted and bright. University is certainly within their future. The parents want to give each of them the gift of a good, post-secondary education but know that's not possible on the husband's income alone. So Mom searches through the Yellow Pages and begins working from 8am-4pm - for the good of her children.Scene #2: Or maybe, as was the case with one of my grandmothers, a mother grew up in a very poor family and was never able to enjoy the kind of material wealth that seemed common place for everyone else. She doesn't want her children to know the pain of doing without and so works hard to bring in a paycheck that will cover trendy clothes, restaurant meals, and the latest technological gadgets that all the other kids on the block seem to have.Scene #3: Perhaps it's the cost of Christian schooling that forces a mother to work outside the home. It breaks her heart to drop her 10-month-old off at her sister-in-law's each morning, but she quickly reminds herself that the value of a Christian education is worth the temporary sacrifice.
The mother in each one of these examples has made her decision, perhaps with the support of her husband, based on "common sense." To the human mind, (especially the one that has been affected by years of feminism, liberal rhetoric, and publicly funded Marxism) it's perfectly logical to submit ourselves to "expert" opinion and abandon our kids while they're young in order to give them what they really need when they are older.

However, one very important detail is missing from each of these scenarios. Did you catch it?

A mother and father may arrive at the decision for her to work outside the home together after much consideration. Perhaps they even commit Mom's new job to the Lord in prayer. Maybe the children are made aware of the new changes and everyone agrees that this is what is best for their family. But through all the deliberations, the Bible remains on the shelf, and no one stops to ask, "What would God want Mom to do?"
"'The Lord told me,' is no substitute for 'the Bible says.'" - Voddie BauchamI am not suggesting that no woman can ever have a career, that parents shouldn't send their child to university or pay for their tuition (that's a topic for another day), give them good gifts, make every effort to provide them with a Christian education, or that a mother can't supplement the family income (if I believed that, I wouldn't have this blog or have written my two eBooks, How To Design Your Own Blog and How To Grow Your Blog And Manage Your Home).

I'm asking you, dear mother, to examine where God considers your presence most important. There are several parental responsibilities required of us that are difficult or impossible to perform if we are physically away from our children:

• Availability - morning, noon, and night (Deuteronomy 6:7)
• Training (Proverbs 22:6)
• Discipline (Proverbs 29:15-17)
• Teaching the Scriptures (Deuteronomy 4:10)
• Nurturing (Titus 2:4)

• Does my absence mean someone else will care for my children?

• How long will they be under another's care each day?

• Is this the person I want to raise and influence my child in my place?

• How many surrogate mothers will be involved over the years?

• What impact will that have?

• Does my job sap my energies so that I am tired and pressured and unable to give them quality time?

• Are my creativity, my wit, and my best efforts spent outside my family?

• Do they get only the leftovers?

The biblical solution involves a radical reform in our thinking. Christians must operate on the premise that pure and undefiled religion requires individual benevolence towards widows (James 1:27), families must take responsibility and look after their own (1 Timothy 5:8, 16), and the local church (whose diaconal ministry would be well funded if we tithed more than 2%) is called to care for those who are truly widows (1 Timothy 5: 3-16).

Mom, your job is so eternally important, that God ensured there would be a way for you to minister through full-time motherhood. The right thing to do is not often the easiest thing to do. Staying at home to raise your children will cost you. It may require painful sacrifices, tighter budgets, and perhaps even swallowing our pride enough to accept the aid available to us. But I believe it can be done and that the reward you receive will be eternally worth it.

If financial concerns are keeping you back from staying home with your children, here are some articles and books to help and encourage you.
Articles

• Saving Money In Your Baby's First Year
• Income-Earning Ideas
• We Couldn't Afford Children - Glad We Didn't Have To
• You CAN Stay Home - Earning Money From Home

• Money Saving Mom by Crystal Paine
• Family Feasts for $75 a Week by Mary Ostyn
• America's Cheapest Family by Annette Economides
• Large Family Logistics by Kim Brenneman

My Pinterest page has a board entitled "Feminine Flair." It's pictures are full of ruffles, lace, and lovely dresses - things that spell f-e-m-i-n-i-n-e to me. If I knew how to sew well and money was no object, I suppose I'd dress like this all the time.

The truth is, you'll often find me in a pair of blue jeans. I'm slowly building up the number of skirts in my wardrobe, but more often then not, the practicality of wearing a pair of pants with toddlers around the house and a sizable garden wins over a sweeping skirt. Some have asked why I believe it's permissible for a woman to wear pants, citing Deuteronomy 22:5 as a case for skirts only.

“A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment, for all who do so are an abomination to the LORD your God."
If the reason a woman must not wear pants is because they pertain to men, what do we do with Boaz, King Saul, and Aaron who were all cited as wearing skirts or cloaks as was the custom in Biblical times? Men of ancient Greece and Rome wore skirts, as did American Indian and Scottish males.

It makes me cringe when I hear people say, "That passage of Scripture doesn't apply to me because it's relating to a cultural issue of their day." The infamous cop-out may be over used, but there is still a danger of reading into a passage in order to make it suit our fancy. Deuteronomy 22:5 is not speaking about whether a woman should wear pants or skirts, but against transvestism - cross-dressing to appear as someone of the opposite sex.

The manner in how a culture dresses differs from one era and place to the next. What doesn't change is our responsibility to appear distinctly female. To pervert our designated sexuality (which God called very good) by blurring the gender lines in the way we dress is an abomination to the Lord.

In any case, modesty is the principal of female attire. There are women, even in the church, who wear skirts that are far less modest than any pair of blue jeans I have ever seen. That's not necessarily an argument for wearing pants to church, but a plea to switch from a hooker-style skirt where the outline of your thong is clearly visible, to something that speaks of gracefulness and humility within. (1 Peter 3:3-6)

Be it pants or a skirts, a woman's job is to dress like a female. There is room for creativity and a personal sense of style in God's design. Whatever you choose to throw on in the morning, may it be something that exudes those qualities of a woman which God calls very precious in His sight: gentleness, submissiveness, and a quiet spirit.

Many women reference Deborah, the Old Testament "prophetess," as our exemplary when it comes to women and leadership. There is no question the Deborah performed her job well, or that God used her to deliver Israel - that's exactly God's point. There was not a single man with courage enough to take the responsibility and lead. To Israel's great shame, God raised up a woman to support the men and warn them of their cowardice.

The Botkin sisters in their book So Much More say, "The role of a Deborah is not one we should be hoping for, but one we should be trying at all costs to prevent. If our society ever sinks to the level where one Deborah is necessary, it will be a sign that God is phenomenally displeased with our culture and is inflicting a colossal curse on it. Deborah was glorified and blessed by God as a deliverer of Israel, and, in essence, what she did was to bring men back into leadership." To build a doctrine around the exception God used is Israel's history because of their sin, and refuse to take the rest of the passages in the Bible about women and leadership (1 Timothy 11-14; 1 Corinthians 14: 34-35) at face value is, as Debi Pearl says, "just as foolish as Deborah leading the armies instead of a man." (Created to be His Help Meet, pg. 120).
It may be true that women can "do just as good of a job as men, or even better." She may be more "qualified" than any other male to serve in a position of authority over men. But simply being more capable of doing something doesn't make doing it right. I may be an exceptionally good marksman, but I would still be guilty of breaking the 6th commandment if I utilized my "gift" by going on a shooting rampage. However good a woman's intentions may be, the end never justifies the means.
The very best thing a woman can do for society it to purse God's perfect design for her and willingly submit herself to the God-ordained authority of man in church (1Timothy 2:11-14; 1 Corinthians 14:34-35), civil magistrate (1 Corinthians 11:3; Ex. 18:2, Deuteronomy 17:14-20) and home (Ephesians 5:22-24). In this way, perhaps her righteousness will entreat God to revoke His judgment and shower down blessings on a nation instead. photo via