Like it or not, there will be times in our lives when apologies are necessary to bring restoration to a relationship we have strained. The key to a clean slate goes far beyond a simple "I'm sorry." Even a child understands that a quick muttering of the phrase can spare the consequent discipline.
Which of us hasn't received (or worse, given) an apology that was less than heartfelt? How often don't we try to retain our "honor" by minimizing the degree to which we hurt a person? Have you ever gotten the feeling that the offender isn't really sorry for what they did? That they're just using the word "sorry" in a sentence to get rid of their guilt? Can you catch it in each of these common apologies?
I'm sorry if I was wrong.
I'm sorry. I really wasn't trying to hurt you.
I'm sorry, but you were wrong too.
I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were so sensitive about that.
In each of these cases, the offender is not accepting full responsibility for their actions. The most effective apology is often the most difficult and certainly the least creative: "I was wrong when I... I'm so sorry. Will you please forgive me?" Instead of justifying ourselves, we take down our barriers and make ourselves vulnerable to the person we're apologizing. When we humble ourselves by admitting we are wrong and request forgiveness, we will find the offended party tenderhearted, apt to forgive and equally desirous of restoration. Most often, people who realize you're in the relationship because you value you them more than you do yourself, will follow your lead and request forgiveness in the future when they offend you. Sincere apologies are hard, but they must be made if we are to remain in sweet communion with our fellow saints in this fallen world. Be the kind of person that cares too much about another to let your own pride and momentary discomfort get in the way. Apologies open up the opportunity to forgive, and forgiveness preaches to the watching world the gospel of salvation from our sins through Jesus Christ.
Every once in a while you get really stretched as a blogger, and it's a good thing. Like this past week, for example, when a dear reader wrote me a letter that nearly broke my heart.
A homeschooling mother of six who loves the role God has given her, she finds herself between a rock and a hard place. Illness has left her husband unable to provide financially for his family and with unsupportive relatives and a church that scoffs at their decision to leave their fertility in the hands of the Lord, they are struggling not just to pay the bills, but to keep the mouths of their hungry children fed.
This dear mother shares the convictions I expressed in The Cost of Being A Stay-at-Home Mom and would love nothing more than to raise her children in the way she believes God calls her too. However, after waiting on the Lord for his direction, they see no other alternative than for her to work outside the home in order to provide basic necessities like food and clothing for their family.
Their desire is to live for Christ in every area of their lives; she wrote me wondering how the possibility of her being employed outside the home jives with Scripture.
A few questions that would help shape my answer include:
How permanent is your husband's condition?
Is your husband able to home school your children?
Can you work from home (Proverbs 31)?
Is there a church in the area that takes God's institution of the diaconate more seriously than the one you attend now?
Is there any possibility of moving to a cheaper home, city, or state?
How old are your children? Are they able to contribute at all to the family income or engage in a family business?
You said you don't have any support from your relatives; is there a close friend or an older mentor who would be willing to help out with a loan (Leviticus 25:35-37)?
It sounds like you've already cut every corner you can think of, but just in case, is there any way you can live on less? One vehicle instead of two? Sell unused toys and clothes on consignment? Hang your laundry on the line instead of using the dryer, etc.?
Regardless, this dear lady needs not feel condemned should employment outside the home prove to be the only way out of their tight spot. There are other times in Scripture where God has made exceptions to His normative plan for women.
The story of Deborah in the book of Judges is one such example. Contrary to popular opinion, Deborah's leadership role as a prophetess is not an excuse or a reason for women of our day to do the same. There is no question she performed her job well or that God blessed it and ultimately used Deborah's actions to bring men back into leadership. But it was to Israel's great shame that God had to raise up a woman to support the men and warn them of their cowardice. When God puts a godly person in a position where they are forced to act in a way that seemingly contradicts the rest of Scripture, someone else must always bear the punishment, guilt, fault, or shame (i.e. Hosea). In Deborah's case, it was the wimpy Israelite men of whom there was not found one with the courage to take the responsibility and lead.
In the case of the dear mother who wrote me earlier this week, I believe the shame lies with her unsupportive relatives and church. She is being forced outside of the home because her family and church have forsaken their biblical responsibilities (1 Timothy 5:8; 16; Leviticus 25:35-37; Proverbs 19:17; Psalm 112:5).
God instituted the diaconate so that the needs of the poor, of whom He said would always be with us (Mark 14:7), would be met. I never like suggesting that a family leave a church but if they are not cared for to such a degree that a mother of six children must leave her sacred responsibilities to keep her family from going hungry, it may be time to find a body of believers that recognize the importance of a mother's influence in the home and will joyfully make the sacrifices necessary so it can happen (James 1:27).
Unless her husband's condition improves and he is able once again to "bring home the bacon," or her church and family step up to the plate and in biblical love take care of those among them who are hurting, I believe this dear lady is not at all acting inappropriately in a situation that is less than ideal.
We serve a big God. Just as He was able to bless Deborah's efforts and restore Israel, so He can bless this mother, her husband, and children far above what we could even ask or think (Ephesians 3:20,21) during her temporary time of outside employment.
Linking to: Time-Warp Wife, Far Above Rubies, Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots At Home, Wise Woman, Raising Arrows, Raising Mighty Arrows, Hearts for Home, The Better Mom, A Mama's Story
... continued from yesterday. Read Part 1 here. Currently, we're teaching our 2-year-old to memorize the Proverbs. Proverbs for Parenting | A Topical Guide for Child Raising From The Book of Proverbs compiled by Barbara Decker has proved to be a handy tool as each of the proverbs are organized into their respective categories.
If Charity is having a particularly difficult week with anger and temper-tantrums, we can flip to the anger section and choose a few verses from there to work on. If she's habitually stalling when we ask her to do something, we'll turn to the chapter on obedience. If she's having a hard time finding something nice to say to her brother, we'll memorize a verse on kindness.
There's nothing difficult or scientific about our method for memorization. For the most part, it's a simple process of "repeat after me." This past week, we memorized Proverbs 16:6: "By mercy and truth, iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the Lord, men depart from evil." 1. First, I'll read the verse through and explain any words she might not understand: iniquity, purged, depart. 2. Then I'll say the first phrase and ask her to repeat it back to me. I do this several times over with each section of the verse. That way, it gets ingrained in my memory as well as hers! Mommy: "By mercy and truth... " Charity: "By mercy and truth... " Mommy: "Iniquity is purged... " Charity: "Iniquity is purged... " 3. Once I think she's familiar with the phrases, we start combining them, two at a time: Mommy: "By mercy and truth, iniquity is purged... " Charity: "By mercy and truth, iniquity is purged... " Mommy: "..and by the fear of the Lord, men depart from evil." Charity: "... and by the fear of the Lord, men depart from evil." 4. Next, I leave out key words, and give her the opportunity to fill them in: "By ________ and _______, _________ is ________: and _____ the _________ of the _______, men __________ from ______. Proverbs ____ : ____." 5. Once she's done the above a few time, we're down to just a few prompts until she can say it on her own: "By _____________, iniqu... _______________; and ________________, men ____________________. _________ ___ : ___." The whole process takes less than 15 minutes. I'll randomly review the verse with her several times throughout each day of the week until she can rattle it off and we move onto the next one. A few other things we've found helpful to aid in Scripture memorization are:
Music. We sing a Psalm from our Church's Psalter with her before bed time. It's so fun when she picks it up and is able to sing along with us or recognizes it in a Church service!
Regular Review. We try not to forget about a verse once we've moved on to a new one. To keep it fresh in her memory, we'll say the first word of a verse she knows when we're in the car or at dinner, and she'll finish the rest.
Consistency. I find this to be the hardest part of all, especially if my morning is rushed by a tight schedule. However, if Charity's kept in the memorizing mode, it becomes easier for her to catch on. Once she recognizes it as part of our daily routine, she becomes the one who reminds me: "Mommy? Can we do the 'merry heart is good like medicine' one?"
Our prayer is that by God's grace, she will remember these truths for the rest of her life and that they will guide the decisions she makes from here to eternity.
It's a well known fact that a child's ability to remember things is second to none. The capacity to soak up their influences is the motivating factor behind our government's resolve to get them into the classroom at an increasingly young age. Once they're out from underneath their parent's control, the state has a no-holds-barred approach to indoctrinating our children with immorality and socialistic propaganda. This explains why the 4-year-olds in our province are going to school and being taught to question their gender, and why books like Heather has Two Mommies is perfectly acceptable story-time material.
It wouldn't be so bad if it was truth and righteousness our government was so concerned about instilling into our children. But then, if it was really God's Word the government looked to as their moral compass, they probably wouldn't be so quick to snatch the future of the nation away from their parents as soon as possible. Proverbs 22:6 was written to Dads and Moms; it is our duty to train up our children in the way that they should go, not the state's.
This reason, coupled with the desire to see our children's salvation and a life-time of blessing from the Lord, ought to make Scripture memorization and biblical instruction fundamental to the everyday life of a Christian family (Psalm 119: 9-11; Deuteronomy 6: 6,7; 1 Peter 3:15). If our children learn to abide by God's principles and commandments concerning marriage, economics, and life in general, they will become the leaders in a society that is craving for morality, prosperity, and stability.
What we think are the basics of life (i.e. arriving to a job on time and sober) are becoming extinct in a culture that's lost its way. This give a distinct advantage to the child who has learned to abide by God's formula for a happy and peaceful life:
"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful, but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in his law he meditates, day and night." Psalm 1:1,2"He who heeds the Word wisely will find good, and whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he." Proverbs 16:20"... His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who has called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust." 2 Peter 1: 3,4If we want to give our children a good life, we must give them God's Word. It is the key to salvation and the pattern for success. No amount of toys, allowance money, clothes, or candy can produce righteousness or an outstanding member of society. We cannot save our children; that is an act of God's grace alone. But we can hide God's Word in their hearts and take comfort in knowing that it will never return to Him void (Isaiah 55:11).
Our 4-year-old daughter has no qualms about being feminine. She does her school in her princess dress, loves stories about princesses, hates wearing pants, wants to get married (to Daddy), diapers and clothes her stuffed dog multiple times a day, and believes green and blue are colors that should be reserved for boys.
Being girly is just so... so natural to girls (most of 'em)! Little girl, who aren't old enough to understand or conform to the most degrading and dehumanizing aspect of our culture: feminism. I wish there was a way I could preserve my daughter's natural inclination to girly things. How can I raise her to be feminine in a feminist culture? A times, the challenge overwhelms me. Society, at large, stifles biblical womanhood.. Girls get told it's a "waste of intelligence" to stay at home and raise children. Motherhood is a "mindless" routine that consists of changing diapers and being shackled to the stove. We know it's not a waste of time, but defending our decision seems like a losing battle. After all, there are a lot more of "them" than there are of "us." In the end, it comes down to who gets to define the terms: neither you nor I. God alone, the Creator of women, wields that kind of authority, and He hasn't left it up to us to play the guessing game with our role or how we should act.
His Word is filled with meaning, instruction, and examples of mothers, wives, daughters, grandmothers, saints, sinners, lovers, nurturers, teachers, peacemakers, artists, and so much more. All we need to know about what makes for blessed society is right at our finger tips.
Still, we somehow believe our culture's vision for "liberating women" is better than the One who created women and came to set them free from their self-induced bondage.
Somehow we find ourselves in an identity crisis that our Bible-believing foremothers did not seem to have.
Somehow our "liberation" in the 21st century has bound us to a cubicle of tormenting doubts about what we are doing as women. Somehow filing a stack of paperwork in an office is more important than sorting laundry.
Somehow drawing up a spreadsheet requires more creativity than artfully decorating your home.
Somehow teaching 30 kids to read takes more preparation than instructing three children how to live.
Somehow it requires sheer brilliance to manage employees in the corporate office while raising our children to be intelligent, honorable citizens is a demoted to a brainless job.
Somehow, if you get paid for doing one of the thousand jobs a mother does in a day, you can call yourself an expert. We buckle under the pressure and bashfully admit, "Oh, I'm just a stay-at-home Mom."
We attempt to justify our choice by rambling on about all the other things we do with our "spare time" as though being a mother isn't a real job. "Well, I'm a chef, baker, time management expert, teacher, personal shopper, repairman, financial adviser, writer, etc."
It's time to stop apologizing. Whether we find life as a woman to be stifling or liberating is ultimately our choice. The paradox of Scripture is that submission brings the greatest freedom and that death brings life. Only when we die to ourselves, our dreams, and our desires, will we find vitality and freedom in pursuing the high calling of biblical womanhood with joy, intelligence, and purpose.
If we get this, if our daughters get this, we can begin fostering femininity back into our feminist world.
The idea that a mother's place is in the home is no longer a popular one - not even within the Church. That said, most God-fearing mothers who choose a career over staying at home are not necessarily motivated by selfish desires, but by a culture which seems to leave them with no choice. It just doesn't make sense when an extra income would surely be more beneficial for their children in the long run... wouldn't it?
Scene #1: Perhaps a couple recognizes their young children are extraordinarily gifted and bright. University is certainly within their future. The parents want to give each of them the gift of a good, post-secondary education but know that's not possible on the husband's income alone. So Mom searches through the Yellow Pages and begins working from 8am-4pm - for the good of her children.Scene #2: Or maybe, as was the case with one of my grandmothers, a mother grew up in a very poor family and was never able to enjoy the kind of material wealth that seemed common place for everyone else. She doesn't want her children to know the pain of doing without and so works hard to bring in a paycheck that will cover trendy clothes, restaurant meals, and the latest technological gadgets that all the other kids on the block seem to have.Scene #3: Perhaps it's the cost of Christian schooling that forces a mother to work outside the home. It breaks her heart to drop her 10-month-old off at her sister-in-law's each morning, but she quickly reminds herself that the value of a Christian education is worth the temporary sacrifice. The mother in each one of these examples has made her decision, perhaps with the support of her husband, based on "common sense." To the human mind, (especially the one that has been affected by years of feminism, liberal rhetoric, and publicly funded Marxism) it's perfectly logical to submit ourselves to "expert" opinion and abandon our kids while they're young in order to give them what they really need when they are older.
However, one very important detail is missing from each of these scenarios. Did you catch it?
A mother and father may arrive at the decision for her to work outside the home together after much consideration. Perhaps they even commit Mom's new job to the Lord in prayer. Maybe the children are made aware of the new changes and everyone agrees that this is what is best for their family. But through all the deliberations, the Bible remains on the shelf, and no one stops to ask, "What would God want Mom to do?" "'The Lord told me,' is no substitute for 'the Bible says.'" - Voddie BauchamI am not suggesting that no woman can ever have a career, that parents shouldn't send their child to university or pay for their tuition (that's a topic for another day), give them good gifts, make every effort to provide them with a Christian education, or that a mother can't supplement the family income (if I believed that, I wouldn't have this blog or have written my two eBooks, How To Design Your Own Blog and How To Grow Your Blog And Manage Your Home).
I'm asking you, dear mother, to examine where God considers your presence most important. There are several parental responsibilities required of us that are difficult or impossible to perform if we are physically away from our children:
Availability - morning, noon, and night (Deuteronomy 6:7)
Training (Proverbs 22:6)
Discipline (Proverbs 29:15-17)
Teaching the Scriptures (Deuteronomy 4:10)
Nurturing (Titus 2:4)
Jean Fleming provides a list of helpful questions for parents to wade through in her book, A Mother's Heart:
Does my absence mean someone else will care for my children?
How long will they be under another's care each day?
Is this the person I want to raise and influence my child in my place?
How many surrogate mothers will be involved over the years?
What impact will that have?
Does my job sap my energies so that I am tired and pressured and unable to give them quality time?
Are my creativity, my wit, and my best efforts spent outside my family?
Do they get only the leftovers?
Someone will invariably bring up a worst-case scenario or argue on the grounds of "What if... " But God is always one step ahead of our hesitation and doubt. He's provided solutions that enable mothers to stay at home with their children and perform their parental duties even when faced with challenges like widowhood, a husband's unemployment, or a disastrous economic situation.
The biblical solution involves a radical reform in our thinking. Christians must operate on the premise that pure and undefiled religion requires individual benevolence towards widows (James 1:27), families must take responsibility and look after their own (1 Timothy 5:8, 16), and the local church (whose diaconal ministry would be well funded if we tithed more than 2%) is called to care for those who are truly widows (1 Timothy 5: 3-16).
Mom, your job is so eternally important, that God ensured there would be a way for you to minister through full-time motherhood. The right thing to do is not often the easiest thing to do. Staying at home to raise your children will cost you. It may require painful sacrifices, tighter budgets, and perhaps even swallowing our pride enough to accept the aid available to us. But I believe it can be done and that the reward you receive will be eternally worth it.
If financial concerns are keeping you back from staying home with your children, here are some articles and books to help and encourage you. Articles
Saving Money In Your Baby's First Year
Income-Earning Ideas
We Couldn't Afford Children - Glad We Didn't Have To
It's easy to get discouraged when faced with the continual decline of our society. I'm particularly guilty of being a Debbi-Downer when it comes to current affairs, especially when we, of all people, have every reason to hope. Christians do not fight for victory, they fight in victory because Christ has already won the battle for us! (Revelations 1:18) Our victory is not only certain, but we've been provided with all the tools we need to wage battle against sin on this side of Heaven.
Some folks within the Christian community see no point in becoming politically involved. They reference God's sovereignty over cultural affairs as reason to accept whatever is dished out by the hands of diplomats. While we must submit to civil authorities (1 Peter 2: 13), we likewise must take seriously the command to "occupy" until Christ's return (Luke 19:13).
It's important for Christians to get involved in politics because, rather than "polishing brass on a sinking ship," our mission on earth is to be about the kingdom business of our Heavenly Father. Being a voice for truth and spiritual freedom in the public square is a particularly effective way for this to happen. Imagine what kind of change would occur in a society where judges made court rulings based upon God's law and politicians kept promises because they understood the seriousness of the ninth commandment!
It may feel like the worst of times, but in many ways it is also the best of times. The odds are in our favor - the rapid increase of homeschooling families - most of which are Bible-believing Christians - are not only having plenty of children, but according to Dr. Brian Ray of the National Home Education Research Institute, are fourteen times more likely to get involved in politics than the rest of society! You do the math.
Getting politically involved within your own community doesn't necessarily mean you have to run for mayor or city councilor. There are several things a family can do together to make a positive impact on their society. Here are a few things that don't require much time or effort when compared to the return on investment:
1. Vote! Voting is a Christian's opportunity to promote, protect, and preserve godly government, and the most basic responsibility we have as citizens of our country. Those we elect (or do nothing to remove), can choose can protect our freedom to spread the gospel or restrict it. Voting is one way to fulfill our civic duties (Matthew 22:21) and encourage righteousness within our nation.
2. Write letters to the editor. Generally speaking, the most interesting part of a newspaper is the Letters To The Editor section. Along with the funnies, it'll get read if nothing else. A simple letter to the editor regarding something that has gone on in your city is a free and efficient way of presenting a counter-cultural message to a large audience.
3. Write letters to your Member of Parliament or Congressman. ARPA takes away all the excuses with their EasyMail system. They connect you with the appropriate government officials in a matter of seconds and provide you with completely customizable letters addressing the current concerns in our country. It takes less than 5 minutes to let your MP know which way you'd like him to vote concerning proposed legislation.
4. Keep the phones ringing. Similar to writing a letter, calling your local politician on the phone is a personal and effective way of sharing your approval over a decision he's made or voicing your concern.
5. Attend town hall meetings. Another great way to have an impact in your community is to let your voice be heard at town hall meetings which are open to the public. Prepare questions or comments regarding the topic at hand ahead of time and keep a friendly, respectful tone when you're given the opportunity to share your opinion. Folks are more likely to ponder your point of view when they understand you're motivated by love for your fellow countrymen.
6. Volunteer during election campaigns. Volunteering - setting up signs, calling people on the phone, and printing ads on behalf of a godly candidate is at least as effective as a financial donation. See next point.
7. Donate. Kevin Swanson nailed it in this article when he said: "A $100 donated to a Congressional campaign for a solid candidate is 100 times more effective than a vote for an unprincipled presidential candidate! If you are first assured that the candidate fulfills the Exodus 18 requirements, then why not get the most bang for your buck? Why not put your time and energy behind a candidate who give us life and sacred honor for the cause of principle? I organized a fundraiser in my basement and raised $14,000 for a godly congressional candidate in my state who has maintained a consistent record and rhetoric for 15 years of politics in this state. If he is elected, that’s about 2-5% of the monetary influence needed to put him in office. If I place a ballot for a socialist, pro-homosexual, pro-abortion Republican for president, I have 1/50,000,000 of an impact on that election (or.00002%). That’s almost zero influence for a candidate that will almost certainly lead the nation towards more socialism, more homosexuals in the Boy Scouts, and more tax-funded abortions. Don’t waste what few resources are left for the cause of righteousness! " To further understand the importance of getting involved politically, we recommend the following reads: God and Governmentby Cornelius Van Dam and The Second Mayflowerby Kevin Swanson.
Does your family get politically involved within your community? How have you done so?
Linking to: Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots At Home,,Modest Monday, A Mama's Story, Raising Arrows, Time Warp Wife, Far Above Rubies
I had planned on posting a "Guess Our Baby's Birth Details" contest this morning, but that's an article sitting in draft that will never be published! Our wee little Anna Grace is already 4 days old! Several people have begged me for her birth story, so here it it - a testimony of God's mercy and grace!
Thursday morning, March 7th, Brad got up around 6:30am for work as he usually does. I was having a few mild contractions but didn't think too much of it. After a very rocky pregnancy that included 20 weeks of bed-rest, regular rhogam injections, 9 emergency ultrasounds, and steroid shots at 33 weeks to improve our baby's lungs, I chalked it up to another episode that would probably result in nothing. I changed my mind around 10:00am, when the contractions hadn't let up. I called my midwife to let her know they were coming every four minutes and she told us to meet her at the hospital. My mother-in-law dropped whatever she was doing to pick our Charity and Judah and Brad raced home from work. We had never had a hospital birth before so deciding when to leave and how fast to drive was a whole new experience for us! We arrived at the hospital at 11:00am. My Midwife could tell immediately that I really was in labor and a quick check showed I was already 5cm dilated. Contractions were now coming every 3 minutes and lasting for 45 seconds. Shortly after 2:00pm the midwife called for the obstetrician and a team of nurses. Our baby was arriving 6 weeks early and they were prepared to whisk her away. I was so focused on getting through each contraction, I don't even remember how many people were in our little room. At 2:30, I was ready to push! I barely felt our little girl enter the world; she was so tiny! She came out screaming and clearly had a great set of lungs! They handed her to me right away and Brad cut the skinny umbilical cord which had been wrapped around her neck. I was so caught up in the preciousness of the moment that nothing could've prepared me for the pain that happened next.
The placenta which we spent the whole pregnancy worried about detaching refused to separate from the uterine wall. The obstetrician waited as long as he could to see if my body would deliver the after birth on it's own. But, my cervix started closing and he had no choice but to remove it in several pieces by hand. I had no epidural or pain medication. It was by far the worst pain I have ever felt in my life! I don't usually make too many noises in labor (I think!) but I'm sure the whole hospital floor heard me screaming! After spending 1/2 an hour making sure every last piece had been removed, Brad handed our sweet little girl back to my arms and she nursed for almost 2 hours before heading to the Continuing Care Nursery to be monitored in an incubator. At the beginning of the pregnancy we decided that if our baby was a girl, we would name her Anna Grace. Anna means "God is merciful and gracious," something we can truly testify to since the very beginning of the pregnancy when we thought we had miscarried our second child in a row. The Lord was merciful in sparing her little life and graciously let her stay in the womb until exactly 34 weeks. We are overwhelmed by His goodness to us and even though she'll be in the hospital for a while, we trust the she is being protected by His right hand. The Lord has done wondrous things for us, and we are glad!
Anna GraceGod is merciful and gracious March 7, 2013 5 lbs. 2 oz. 46cm The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made. All your works shall give thanks to you, O Lord, and all your saints shall bless you!Psalm 145:8-10
Linking to: Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots At Home, Holy-Spirit Led Homeschooling, My Pregnancy Journal
I'm no prophet, but excepting Christ's return, our children have a very bleak future ahead of them.
They will grow up in the most godless state their country has ever been in; they will inherit a debt load that will enslave them to the government through astronomical taxes for their entire lives; there will be too few of them to adequately support the health-care of the dying Baby Boomer generation; they will live in a world where the murder of unborn babies and people who have "lost their dignity" is normal while the right to defend and protect their own families will be taken away; they will live in a country that somehow tolerates homosexuality and radical Islam while dismissing anything God's Word says as hate speech.
At first glance, it's easy to understand why one would take action to prevent any of their own children to be born into a society that's "going to hell in a hand-basket."
However, there have been many times in history where God's people had an equally good excuse not to procreate. The persecution of Christians under King Nero, The Protestant Church in France during the 17th and 18th centuries, World War I and II, The Great Depression - these are periods in history where it was much harder to be a Christian compared to the relative freedom we enjoy now.
Take the story of Moses for example. If ever there was a time in history where it could be considered completely irresponsible and irrational to have children, this was it. 400 years of slavery to the Egyptians under some of the cruelest conditions imaginable - who could blame the Israelites if they decided that surely God didn't mean for them to keep bringing children into such a terrible world! "Be fruitful and multiply" must have been meant for periods of peace and prosperity.
Not only did the Israelites obey during their frightful circumstances, but the more they were persecuted and afflicted, the more they multiplied! Pharaoh's attempt to rid himself of the Israelite nation by literally working them into the ground was met with supernatural fertility among the people of God (Exodus 1:12).
To combat the influx in birth rates, Pharaoh ordered the midwives tokill the male children as they were being born to mothers still on their birth stools (Does this ring a bell? Sound anything like the partial birth abortions Obama is in favor of?). Again, God gave His people exceptional labors and deliveries so that the midwives, when asked why they let the male children live, had to explain, "Because the Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women; for they are lively and give birth before the midwives come to them (Exodus 1:19)."
We know how the rest of the story goes. Eventually Moses was born to lead God's people out of slavery to the Promised land, flowing with milk and honey. Through times of bondage and affliction, trials and persecution, God faithfully provided and the Israelites continued to multiply. Who are we to assign limits or terms to God's commands just because money is tight, impending judgment is on our country, or the survival of the nuclear family seems impossible?
No matter what circumstance we find ourselves in, we ought to obey God rather than man (Acts 5:29). The second we think, "You've got to use your head. God gave you a brain for a reason," and rely on our own understanding instead of acknowledging God to direct our paths, we dismiss God's unchanging faithfulness, compassionate mercy, and amazing grace for a humanistic, self-absorbed agenda that makes the devil dance.
Satan hates it when God's people multiply! What a sinking feeling it would be to witness the birth of a covenant child into a family who serves the Lord and relies on His saving grace when your mission is to rob God of His glory by destroying His people! Christians have every reason to "be fruitful and multiply" because it is the nature of our God to bless the future generations of righteous parents who diligently teach His ways to their children (Psalm 14:5; Proverbs 20:7; Isaiah 44:1-3).
Neither a balanced budget, nor a heterosexual nation will be able to save the souls of our children. I can't save them, homeschooling can't save them, church can't save them. I'm not worried about bringing babies into our world because the One who has the power to deliver them from eternal death, also has the power to raise up Moseses, Billy Grahams, preachers of righteousness, godly mothers, and Presidents who fear the Lord. I have no reason to doubt His timing, grace, mercy, or faithfulness. The children who are born to us, are born "for such a time as this (Esther 4:14)."
There have been days where our house looked like World War III. Days where fancy-footwork is required to dodge the kid paraphernalia strewn across the floor. Days when, after nearly spraining my ankle for the umpteenth time on dinky cars and mega blocks, I ask my 3-year-old to start picking up the mess. She looks at me and innocently asks, "What mess?" and I bury my head in my hands and weep.
How important is it to teach our children to clean up after themselves? I've often questioned whether cleanliness is a matter of character or part of our individual DNA, whether it should be enforced and to what extent.
See, we have both extremes within our family. Our daughter is naturally... "laid back," a nice way of saying she couldn't find the mess if a tornado tore through her room (which it does on occasion). Our son, although he's just 21-months-old, is a lover of order. He'll automatically line up his shoes in the closet when he comes in from outside; his sippy cup gets placed back on the counter when he's done taking a drink.
When it's time to clean up toys before bed, one inspects every toy as if seeing it for the first time before s-l-o-w-l-y placing it in the bin; the other hustles as if cleaning up were some sort of strong-man competition. One wouldn't give two hoots about leaving her undies sunny-side-up in the middle of the bedroom floor; the other makes a bee-line for the laundry hamper when he finds a dirty article of clothing. One is messy, the other is neat and I'm trying to find the balance.
One theory says cleanliness is next to godliness. The other says cleaning up toys while the children are growing is like shoveling snow while the snow is still snowing. One thing is for certain - the state of our home is never more important then the state of their souls and while a mess can remain unchanged for as long as you leave it there, our children are daily developing and strengthening habits that will effect them for the rest of their lives.
Besides the fact that keeping things in their proper places typically results in a calm, peaceful atmosphere with less stress, hurry, and bustle, tidiness is a trait I want to teach my children as part of an effort to care for their souls. Picking up after themselves is important for 3 reasons (at least):
1. It pleases the Lord. Creation testifies to the orderliness of God's character. Likewise, we also ought to delight in the practice of attending to our duties with watchfulness and care.
Additionally, it is pleasing to the Lord when we are faithful in the little things. Teaching our children to take charge over the ordinary duties of life is helping to lay the groundwork for greater responsibilities. Conscious attention and a cheerful attitude towards "trivial" tasks builds the character required to acceptably serve the Lord in whatever situation we find ourselves in.
2. It honors Mommy and Daddy. It's not a matter of "Because I said so"; it's a matter of, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." (Ephesians 6:1) I shouldn't need to present a logical case to my children on why they must clean up the toys when I ask them to. However important things like safety, making our home look suitable for company, and house rules may be, their responsiveness to my request reflects the attitude of their heart. An obedient heart and a willing spirit bring joy to Mommy and glory to God.
3. It prepares for future usefulness. Some women will accomplish twice as much as others in a lifetime simply because as a child, they learned the importance of keeping everything in its proper place. Their homes appear orderly and little effort is required to keep it that way.
Other women will find themselves despairing in the midst of confusion that reigns over their homes. Throughout life, they will feel hurried and rushed, rarely able to enjoy a moment's peace. It will seem like they are forever trying to put things away but nothing stays that way for long.
Many times I wonder "What's the point? They don't remember!" when I find clothes strewn across the floor, shoes forgotten to be lined up in the closet, books left lying everywhere around our living room except the bookshelf. But I've heard from older and much wiser mothers that consistency is key. Diligently working to teach them the habit of tidiness by many words of encouragement and my own example will prepare them for life of usefulness, purposefulness, and, in the case of the girls, an apt and capable housewife.
And so, I will continue to hand them a wet rag while I clean the floor even if they spread the dirt around more than they clean it up. I'll pass them a dust rag on housework day even if I need to go over the same spot when they're not looking. I'll let them return the toys to the bucket they turned over even if it's quicker when I do it myself. I'll let them help fold laundry even if the stack of washcloths in the linen closet looks precarious and uneven. I'll do it because I want to raise our children to live a life that's pleasing to the Lord, honoring to Mommy and Daddy, and prepared for future usefulness.
Linking to: Homestead Revival, Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots At Home, A Mama's Story, Time-Warp Wife, Far Above Rubies, Raising Arrows, The Modest Mom
I've recently heard someone say that it's not fair to a child to make them work. You know, that a kid needs to be a kid; that they need to have fun first; that their lives will eventually be weighed down with enough responsibilities; that it's a mother's duty to do the chores around the home. If you've been a long-time reader of this blog, you'll remember comments (made anonymously, of course) along the same line popping up every now and then.
Is it true? Is all play and no work the answer for curing Jack's dullness? I'm not an experienced mother by any stretch. I've only been one for a short sixteen months. Yet, I believe that it's not only necessary for children to participate in family chores, but that they can even find great enjoyment in doing so!
Children don't instantly become helpful once they reach a certain age-just like a girl doesn't automatically become a good help-meet the day she gets married. The responsibility of running a home, I believe, is a duty required of mothers to teach their children. I had just 18 short, sweet years at home before I flew the nest to take care of my own. While I didn't always appreciate participating in housework, meal preparation, grocery shopping, gardening, and folding the laundry back then, it's something for which I am inexplicably grateful for now. So grateful for, in fact, that I'm trying to instill in our one-year-old the same homemaking skills my mother taught me!
Obviously, I can't expect a sixteen-month old to stay on task long or be held responsible for regular chores. Charity is in the "preparatory stage." The great thing about teaching her now, is that she loves it! She wants to help. She loves to accomplish things and loves to be praised. It brings great joy to my heart when I witness for the first time, a daughter who sees her work and takes action to do something about it.
Yesterday, Charity sneezed just as she was eating her last bite of breakfast. I'll spare you the details, but the kitchen floor was covered in regurgitated cheerios. Looking at her mess, she wrinkled up her nose and said (very dramatically, as usual) "EWWWWWWWWWWW!" I took her out of her booster seat, and before I had even grabbed the washcloth from the sink, she had pulled the tea towel from off the stove and was wiping up beneath her chair.
I could've done the easy thing: take the tea towel away from her and think, "She's doing it all wrong. The towel's not even wet! She's just spreading the dirt farther across the floor!" The fact is, she wasn't doing a very good job. She wasn't being efficient and you could hardly call it "cleaning."
I praised her anyway. She had the right idea, and what's more, she had the right attitude. She wanted to help me clean up and she did everything she knew how to be helpful. She was pleased as punch when I gave her a hug and said, "Big Girl, Charity! Thank you for helping Mommy clean up! Mommy likes it when you're eager to help!"
I doubt she'll ever remember our little clean up session yesterday, but I do hope that involving her daily with household tasks and praising her for obedience, cheerfulness, and a job well done will eventually result in the mastering of helpful work habits she'll take with her wherever she goes.
It blows my mind at how much a one-year-old is capable of. I still think of her as my "baby." But my "baby" can already help empty the dishwasher, switch laundry loads, put her toys in the toy box, dust the furniture, clean the floors, and bring Mommy and Daddy things when they ask for them. To Charity, it's just play. She's doesn't realize that she's learning life skills.
Mothers, we are not passing the time babysitting; we are mothering. We're not here to simply entertain them, but to teach them to be godly offspring who will one day, Lord bless, be able to maintain their own home in good order.
Last week we had no water. Now the bathtub is full of murky green water that won't drain. The kitchen sink is unusable and the counters are piled high with dishes harboring caked-on food.
My patience is wearing thin. It's becoming a burden to wash dishes in the bathroom sink rather than the "fun adventure" I had convinced the kids it was at first. The rotting pieces of food floating in the adjacent tub laugh at me.
I should make our son a dentist appointment. Do I find a baby-sitter for the other kids or do I take them all with? That would mean bundling them all up, buckling them in their car seats, and keeping them all entertained and quiet while trying to convince our little patient in the dentist's chair that dentists aren't scary. I better just find a baby-sitter. But who's available in the middle of the day? What if it takes longer than I expect?
I can't decide.
Ouch! Lifting our 8-month-old out of her exersaucer reminds me that I need to book another chiropractor appointment. I'm a professional at throwing my back out.
A sore back makes me feel irritable all over. I snap at the kids and beg for peace and quiet. If it wasn't for my sore back and raging hormones, I would be a kinder mother. That's what I tell myself; it couldn't possibly be my fault that I'm grumpy!
My husband phones at lunchtime and I tell him I feel like throwing a temper but am holding it in for the sake of the kids. "I want to act like I'm a two-years-old for just five minutes!"
I tuck the kids in bed for their afternoon naps and sit down to check my email. I've planned my Facebook status. People ask me to be "more real" online? I'm going to give them "real!" I'm going let them know just how awful my day has been.
But first, I check my notifications.
I'm stunned by the message in my inbox sent by a friend:
"In one day we lost a job and a church home, and probably our home in general because of our bleak financial situation we will have to plan on moving soon. I am struggling with faith right now and I could really use some prayer."
Waves of shame and sorrow hit me at the same time. Suddenly my inconveniences seem so petty.
I complain about plumbing problems; she has four small children and is losing the roof over her head.
I complain about having to visit the chiropractor and dentist; she can't afford either if she needed them. She doesn't even know how they're going to pay for their next grocery bill.
I complain about people who get upset with me online; she doesn't even have a church family to support her.
It's easy to complain about no shoes until you see someone with no feet; about over-cooked food until you see a child with nothing to eat.
If I did get what I do deserve, I wouldn't just have no plumbing, no house, no chiropractor or dentist visits, no money, no friends on Facebook, and no church family.
I would have no hope, no Savior, no salvation, no life, no nothing.
Indeed, it is precisely when I don't get what I deserve that I have the most reason to be thankful.
"For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 6:23 "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8: 35, 37-39
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I wish I could say I wasn't writing from experience, but I can't. This post serves as a painful reminder about the pride in my own life that needs to be put to death. Praise God for providing redemption through Jesus Christ!
1. Make sure people know that you are a well-informed person. Scroll through your Facebook feed looking for links to articles you disagree with (vaccines, education, birth control, home births, and diets are great topics). Never miss an opportunity to correct the person who shared it. Emphasize your point by sharing an article on your own feed that supports your point of view. Be sure the article is better written, and contains more resources from qualified professionals.
2. Believe you have all the answers. Don't ask for advice from anybody. If someone shares a differing perspective, assume it's because they aren't as knowledgeable about the topic as you are. Smile, and as humbly as you can, tell them you'll take their view into consideration. Then roll your eyes and laugh at their suggestion when you're by yourself or with someone else who thinks exactly like you.
3. Perfect your fault-finding abilities. It's easier to focus on people's flaws in order make yourself look better without actually having to become a better person. If you're feeling bad about your weight, visit the mall and stare at all the people who are much bigger than you. If your kids are misbehaving, taking them to a place (such as the library or Wal-mart) where you know there will be children who act worse than yours. Pat yourself on the back for your excellent parenting skills.
4. Pretend to be the Holy Spirit. When someone in a prominent position falls into a public sin, humbly suggest that it must be because they thought too much of themselves were not walking closely with the Lord (as you do, of course, but there's no need to mention that part). Jump to conclusions and interpret motives. Presume who is saved and who is not. You can know for sure by whether or not they share your convictions and lead a lifestyle that looks just like yours.
5. Don't make mistakes. You don't want anyone thinking you're just an average human being. Never skip a day of homeschooling. You don't want your child to get behind and prove you're a failure as a homeschool mom. Don't ever order pizza, buy bread, or let your children have anything that contains sugar. Moms who truly care about their families wouldn't dream of feeding that kind of junk to their kids. Keep your house clean no matter how many children you have, so no one will think you're a poor homemaker if they visit unexpectedly visit. Yell at the kids to get crackin' if you need to.
6. Don't ask for help. You are super woman! If you happen to get behind on laundry, stay up late to get the job done. Drink lots of coffee if you need to. Run yourself ragged, but don't ask for help because you're too good for that.
7. Only serve in public positions. None of this behind-the-scenes kind of stuff where nobody notices just how much you do for other people. Try to get on the committees at church, in your homeschool group, or help organize major events. Get involved in places where you get to wear a badge or your name will appear in print. Don't worry if it requires being away from your family for extended periods of time. Nobody notices the work you do there anyway.
8. Try to stay updated on other people's successes. That way you can one-up them. If their child starts taking piano lessons, sign yours up for cello. If they take a one-week vacation to another state, take a two-week vacation to another country. If they can twenty quarts of applesauce in one day, let them know that it was tough work but somehow you managed to get thirty-six jars done. If their blog gains new followers, stalk their page so you know exactly how many people you have to recruit to stay a comfortable number ahead.
9. Cover-up. Outward appearances are all people care about anyway. Carry your Bible to Church. Try to keep it in a place where people notice it (i.e. in your arm, not in your purse). Scuff it up a little so it looks well used. Wear plenty of make-up and trendy clothes so no one confuses you with the frumpy homeschoolers that seem to ruin it for everyone else. Leave challenging books like A Christian's Reasonable Service by Wilhelmus a Brakel, Teaching The Trivium by Harvey and Laurie Bluedorn, and At the Mercy of Tiberius by Augusta Jane Evans lying around when company is expected. They will make you look smart even if you've never actually read them. Memorize the back cover, in case anyone asks.
10. Place any guilt where it belongs: on someone else. It's your husband's fault supper is cold; he should've come home from work on time; it's the curriculum's fault your child just isn't "getting it,"; it's that other mother's lack of discipline with her own children when your son learns some choice words after hanging out with his peers; it's your kids fault your house is always messy; it's the church's lack of a Titus 2 ministry that leaves you without a mentor. Blame anyone but yourself. You don't need that kind of negativity.
11. Forget that it is by grace that you are saved, and not by your own works (Ephesians 2:8,9). Assume there's some sort of catch to the word "gift" when God says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6: 23). Build your own house; believe your labor is not in vain (Psalm 127). Doubt Jesus' sincerity when He invites you to cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). Don't put too much stock into spending time with Him when you could be busy with more important things (Luke 40:11). You can do everything in your own strength (Philippians 4:13). Search for happiness outside of Jehovah (Psalm 144:15).
I am evil, born in sin;Thou desirest truth within.Thou alone my Saviour art,Teach Thy wisdom to my heart;Make me pure, Thy grace bestow,Wash me whiter than the snow. Broken, humbled to the dustBy Thy wrath and judgment just,Let my contrite heart rejoiceAnd in gladness hear Thy voice;From my sins O hide Thy face,Blot them out in boundless grace. ~Psalter 140 : 3, 4 (based on Psalm 51)
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It's only natural for a parent to want to protect their children from harmful influences. We make sure our toddlers don't go for walks in the evening down the street by themselves.We keep poorly rated movies out of our house. We don't let them play with fire or knives, or experiment with drugs and alcohol. All of these things are well and good, but I wonder, how much thought do we give towards one of the most effective forces in a child's life - his friends?
credit To a large degree, we become like the people we hang around with. We tend to choose our friends based on how much we have in common with them. We feel comfortable confiding in people who share the same taste in music, clothing, lifestyle, and worldview. We share our experiences and rub off on each other. The natural leader of a pair will encourage the other to go one step further, for better or for worse.
In the life of a young child who is still in the process of forming their worldview, there are few things as persuasive as the opinion of someone their own age with whom they feel a deep connection. This is why it is utterly important to teach our children what the Bible says about the kind of friends we should have, and perhaps more importantly, the kind of one we should be. The best time to instill these qualities into their impressionable little hearts is as soon as we can, before their allegiances are already concrete.
5 traits of a good friend 1. They speak the truth in love. A good friend will caution a child against something they know he/she shouldn't be doing rather than joining in on the "fun." Proverbs 27:6 2. They help in times of trouble. A good friend will not cut off ties with a child because of a crisis that leaves him disfigured, scarred, or financially incapable of the lifestyle he enjoyed before. Instead, a good friend comes alongside a fallen comrade and helps him get back on his feet. Ecclesiastes 4: 9, 10 3. They give good advice. A good friend makes himself familiar with God's Word and is able to offer a righteous recommendation or instruction when called upon for their opinion.Proverbs 27:9 4. They stand by you. A good friend is in the relationship for the long haul. They don't move on after an argument or squabble. Instead, they continue to show themselves friendly, refrain from gossiping or speaking evil about the offender, offer or receive forgiveness, and get on with the friendship - barring all grudges. Proverbs 18:24; Proverbs 17:17 5. They refine you. A good friend is concerned about spiritual growth. They are not comfortable with an easy, stagnant life, but engage in discussions about things that are relevant to the advancement of Christ's Kingdom work in your life and the world. Proverbs 13:20; Proverbs 27:17
God also warns us about the kind of people we are to avoid:
4 traits of a poor friend 1. They are immoral and have no regard for other. People who are living in open sin and rebellion are those that need to be ministered to, not made friends with. I Corinthians 5:11 2. They change like the wind. Be wary of those who are quick to change their minds - especially in regards to issues that serious consequences. Proverbs 24:21, 22 3. They are angry, often. Don't make friends with those who have no control over their temper or are prone to violent assaults. Proverbs 22: 24;25
4. They are irreverent toward God and His Word. A person who has no place for the Lord in his heart should not hold any sway over ours. Psalm 119: 63; 2 Corinthians 6: 14-15 What traits do you encourage your children to look for in a friend? How much involvement do you have as a parent in choosing who they hang around with? How much is too much? I'd love to hear your thoughts on the topic!
The first step to becoming an excellent manager of your home is to understand your role and why it is so important.
As a whole, our culture dismisses the impact of a faithful homemaker and constructs stereotypes that are outlandishly opposed to our exemplary in Proverbs 31. For instance, note who gets attacked when one young girl says she's going to be a nurse and the other says she's preparing to be a homemaker, which, biblically and historically, is God's normative plan for women. It is considered a waste of talent and intelligence to bless your family with the gifts God has given you for eternal rewards, but admirable if a paper certifies a particular area of focus and you get paid monetarily.
We must not rely on society's view of homemaking as our source of strength, purpose, and encouragement. Our value and fulfillment is found when we understand that the almighty God of the universe has called us to this task, and therefore, there is no greater work as a wife and mother that we could be doing. "... teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." Titus 2: 4The title "manager" denotes different types of jobs we must oversee to ensure our homes are running smoothly. Let's list them:
Accountant
Baker
Chauffeur
Cheerleader
Chef
Coach
Counselor
Dean of Education
Entertainer
Fashion Coordinator
Food Service Manager
Filing Clerk
Fitness Trainer
Gardener
Gift Coordinator
Health-care Practitioner
Interior Designer
Laundress
Maid
Purchasing Agent
Referee
Secretary
Short-order Cook
Travel Agent
Phew! It's no wonder conservative estimates suggest a homemaker's value is somewhere around 100K annually. Do it all "as unto the Lord," (Colossians 3: 23) believing that "as much as you do it unto the least of these my brethren, so you have done it unto me," (Matthew 25: 40) and you can be sure that your work is eternally priceless!
A woman who purposely trains to do all these things well will not just be an asset to her husband, but should the Lord call her to singleness, she will be able to minister well to anyone, wherever she is planted. This is why I tell my daughters that preparing to be a godly homemaker thrills Mommy's heart just as much, if not more, than having them trained, indebted, and degreed, in one particular field of interest at college. "Putting up the lunch for the children or cooking a good meal for the family may seem very insignificant tasks as compared with giving a lecture, writing a book, or doing other things that have a larger audience; but I doubt very much if, in the ultimate reckoning, they will count for as much." ~Laura Ingalls Wilder, Little House in the OzarksOnce you begin to understand and embrace the importance of your place inside your home, you can begin to draft a "mission statement" to refer to when you're feeling weary in well-doing, or you need to be reminded of your vision. It can be as simple as photo-copying Proverbs 31 and posting it on your fridge, or writing out your own summary on a note card and placing it above your sink. I've written mine inside my journal where I see it everyday:
"Called, authorized, and empowered by my Redeemer and Friend, with the blessing and support of my husband, my mission as the Keeper of our Home is to create an atmosphere of grace and forgiveness, order and flexibility, warm love and gentle affection, nutritious meals and fragrant aromas, conversation and education." I want our home to be: (Check all that apply)
Welcoming
Stressful
Warm
Light
Dark
Messy
Cluttered
Happy
Perfect
Neat
Chaotic
Tidy
Educational
Shiny
Sloppy
Organized
Attractive
Dusty
Beautiful
Positive
Well-arranged
Tense
Fun
Calm
Rigid
Creative
Chaotic
Cozy
Unique
Balanced
Homey
Joyful
Tacky
Intense
Purposeful
Simple
Appropriate
Immaculate
Functional
Fresh Bright
Expensive
Relaxed
As the Manager and Chief Executive Officer, you set the tone! Consider the list of words above; think about how you want your family and visitors to feel within your home. We'll start talking about practical ways to make your vision a reality next time!
Recommend Resources These titles encourage Keepers of The Home in their God-given calling. I'll list resources specific to organizing and maintaining different areas of the home as we cover them in this series. These are my affiliate links, but you are under no obligation to use them!
Passionate Housewives Desperate For God by Jennie Chancey and Stacy McDonald
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
Queen of the Home by Jennifer McBride
The Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
Praise Her In The Gates by Nancy Wilson
Home-Making by J. R. Miller
Large Family Logistics by Kim Brenneman
Part 1: Keeping A Growing Home | A Management Series for Moms Part 2: Keeping A Growing Home | Know Your Role! Part 3: Keeping A Growing Home | Making Priorities & 15 Good Things I Don't Do Part 4: Keeping A Growing Home | Time-Saving Home Management Tips Part 5: Keeping A Growing Home | My Daily Schedule
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According to one report, the average stay-at-home mom is worth $138,095 a year. How does your salary compare? Are you living it up with all that dough? Or is the only dough you see baked in the oven and inhaled in seconds by your growing brood of young 'uns? Do you live on a shoestring budget, barely seeming to scrap enough cash together to keep your family clothed and fed? This $138K they're talking about... they're kidding right? Your six-year-old makes more money (thanks to the tooth-fairy) than you do!
Is it worth it? Scrubbing toilets, pulling weeds, sorting squabbles, fixing 1,000 square meals a year, folding laundry 'til 12am, changing diapers, cleaning up vomit, pregnancy, labor, delivery - all for nothing? Or is it for nothing? Oh, we may never line our pockets with a penny for our labors, but could it be that the dirtiest, hardest, most tiresome and demanding job in all creation could also carry with it heavenly rewards of eternal value?
To date, children have out performed both the stock market and gold in ROI over the past six thousand years. The truth is, real wealth isn't found in money or the things that money can buy. Our worthiness is found solo Christo. Only when we recognize this precious truth, it'll make sense to invest in same things found in God's portfolio, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal (Matthew 6:20). God makes it clear that children are worth the cost. Staying at homewith your babes, teaching them the ways of the Lord when thou sittest in thine house, and when you walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up (Deuteronomy 11:19) is worth every penny you don't make. Those hard and ugly parts of mothering when you feel like you're being persecuted by your kids and all those who question the legitimacy of your profession? Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven... (Matthew 5:12). Jesus said, "Verily (truly) I say unto you, in as much as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." Matthew 25:40
Motherhood in this life is not without its perks either. Countless are the moments that money cannot buy. The first wail of your own child, fresh from the womb; a sleepy babe, suckling at your breast; "ma-ma"; wobbly steps; wet, slobbery kisses; wilted dandelion bouquets - these things are priceless. No other job comes with such a diverse benefits package.
On your death-bed, are you going to wish you had extra cash kicking around during those tough years where finances were always tight? Or, are you going to wish you had invested more time into the lives of your children? Will you wish you had invested in gold which perishes, or into the souls of the next generation which live on, and on, and on forever?
Dear Brad, I can hardly believe it has been five years since you slipped a ring on my finger and I slipped one on yours.
Five years since we promised to love and cherish each other as husband and wife until death separates us.
Five years since I was sure I had just lived the best day of my life.
But five years later, I know it was just the beginning of a love story that only gets better with time.
We added the roles of "father and mother" to "husband and wife" eleven months after saying "I do." You said you were nervous about holding a baby since you had little to no experience with newborns. But as soon as Charity Sofia entered the world at home in our bedroom, you embraced her like it was the most natural thing in the world. You were born to be a Dad.
19 months later, God gave us Judah Paul. I'm so glad you have a son. There's just something about watching you with our boy that takes my breath away. He is your shadow, your copy-cat, your biggest fan. The way he claps his chubby hands together and jumps up and down, races to find his shoes, and grins from ear to ear when I say, "We're going to see Daddy at work!" tells me you're his hero. I hope he grows up to be just like you and treats his future bride just like you treat me.
One year later, our third child was born to Heaven at 11 weeks gestation, shortly after we had excitedly announced to everyone that we were expecting again. By God's grace, we made it through that physically and emotionally painful week in the hospital. You knew Jesus could comfort me in a way that you couldn't so we cried over His Word together when I didn't have the courage to read it myself. I can't wait until we can see our Baby together for the first time when the Lord calls us to trade this life for the next.
Half a year later, we found ourselves expecting again but our joy quickly turned to sadness when we rushed to the hospital, convinced I was miscarrying again at 9 weeks. "I see a heart-beat!" Those words of life and hope would be repeated to us dozens of times by an ultrasound technician throughout the rocky pregnancy that included 20 weeks of bed-rest and moving in with your parents. At 34 weeks, I went into labor and our dear Anna Grace was born healthy and strong at 5 pounds, 2 ounces! We had been the objects of God's undeserved mercy and grace and were absolutely overwhelmed with joy by our precious miracle.
Our lives are busy and our days are full, but somehow you always manage to make me feel like the center of your world. Every day, in a thousand ways, you tell me how much you love me and though I often take it for granted, I couldn't imagine life without your sweet gestures and affection:
... "I love you," whispered in my ear each morning before you head to work,
... washing dishes in the evening together and putting off getting our dishwasher fixed because we enjoy the bonding time too much,
... curling up to you after the kids are in bed and hearing your deep voice read out loud to me,
... watching the kids shriek with delight when you run around the house with them on your shoulders,
... kisses planted on my cheek in the kitchen when you set your lunch box on the counter,
... witnessing the births of our children, and rejoicing over the blessings that God has entrusted into our care,
... driving into town when I'm pregnant to pick up a specific flavor of pizza from a specific franchise because it's the only thing I crave even though it's full of gluten and you won't be able to eat a slice yourself,
... coming home with my favorite coffee when you've "just gone to get gas,"
... forgetting and forgiving all the times I'm grumpy, whiny, and discontent,
... giving 110% at work all day and coming home to lovingly greet your wife and patiently listen to three excited children who have a hundred and one things they want to tell you as soon as you step inside the door,
... even though I find mowing the lawn therapeutic, you always beat me to it because you're a true gentleman. Same goes for shoveling the driveway, taking out the garbage, and emptying the compost,
... praying with and for me, leading family worship, long talks involving our deep, mutual interests: homeschooling, politics, entrepreneurship, and economics,
... you excel where I shy away, especially in positions that require leadership and efficiency,
... how you always call and ask, "Can I bring supper home?" exactly when I'm feeling overwhelmed and way behind on everything,
... how you send me an email every day from work asking how my day's going and and never forgetting to end it with: "Love you!"
... how you pat your stomach after dinner and say, "Honey, that was a meal fit for a king," even if it was one of my experiments gone wrong,
... I love how I fit perfectly inside your embrace when you wrap your arms around me and say, "Let's just hug for a few minutes," while I'm cooking dinner...
... the interest you take in this little blogging hobby of mine and how you happily take the time to edit my posts and compile my eBooks even though you could be doing so many other things,
... the way you put your family first, the way you mean what you say and say what you mean, the way you have never once raised your voice at me in anger, the way you make us feel safe, secure, cherished, and treasured.
How does that saying go?
You're the peanut to my butter, water to my ocean, glaze on my doughnut, spring in my step, twinkle in my eye, blue in my sky, cherry to my sundae, flip to my flop, milk to my cookie, sweet in my dreams, beat of my heart, cheese to my macaroni, best to my friend, love of my life.
Sweetheart, if the Lord tarries, I hope to spend dozens and dozens and dozens of half-decades with you. Each day, I'm more in love with you than the last and these past five years have been the best ones of my life. I would say "I do" all over again in a heartbeat.
5 years ago, I had no idea marriage could be this glorious... I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for us for the rest of together.
I love you.
Your wifey,
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I woke up and ran through my list of "should-do's" in my head.
I should do laundry before the kids run out of clean underwear.
I should do some weekend housework so our house looks half-decently presentable for evening visitors.
I should make red pepper butter before the peppers in the garden go bad.
I should vacuum the Cheerios and dirt off the floor in the van and I should probably wash the outside while I'm at it.
I should start supper and get it in the crock-pot before the afternoon gets so filled up that I excuse myself and order take-out again.
I should go buy stamps for the mail that should be sent out.
I should respond to my overflowing inbox.
I should, I should, I should.
My thoughts were interrupted by an excited little voice from a girl in a yellow princess dress. "Mommy, I have a good idea! We should go to the park!"
I smiled and almost spit out my standard line, "No, not right now. Mommy has a lot of things need to get done first," but I didn't. Her suggestion startled me. It wasn't a request out of the ordinary, but it revealed something concerning; in my long list of things that needed attention, deliberately taking the time to enjoy my children without distraction was not one of them.
They were the interruptions to my housework, the distractions to making red pepper butter, and a interference while I folded wash. My list for the day suggested they were an after thought, not a priority.
A lump caught in my throat. I never want my children to feel like an annoyance, or worse, a mistake.
They needed to know that they were more precious to me than clean floors, a stack of neatly folded towels, and red pepper butter.
Read the rest at Raising Homemakers.
***
If you're looking for a great resource to help you find the balance between mothering and managing your home, may I recommend Large Family Logistics? The title is a bit misleading in that this book is helpful for any mother, not just those with several children! This is my go-to gift for Moms, new and seasoned, and my #1 favorite resource as a Keeper of the Home. Kim Brenneman will equip you with everything you need to efficiently run a household while making your children your top priority.
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(Our family in 1997) There are days when I struggle to be the 60-year-old mother of three active and involved young adults, aged 19, 19, and 21, but as my husband and I look back over what the Lord has done, we marvel at God's grace and mercy! We can't imagine life without these young people!
There is great joy in what the Lord has done for us... for you see, we were married for almost 19 years before we had the blessing of a child! The reason? We had not obeyed God's commands, and we suffered consequences that would reach over many years. In some ways, those consequences still continue today, though forgiven.
I will tell you the sad story.
The early 50s, when we grew up, saw increasing prosperity. After the terrors and hardships of WWII, families in the U.S. were focused on getting that new dishwasher, television, and maybe, even two cars. Women were leaving home for the job market in record numbers to have the extras.
(My family) Then in the 60s and 70s, rebellion and 'free love' on college campuses exploded onto the scene. Most parents were totally unprepared to deal with it all, and thus, by default, didn't. Busy with earning a living, many parents were out of touch with the social pressures their young people faced, the anti-God stance in schools, and the growing fractures between generations.
(We are in the couple in the middle; not too serious about life) My husband and I both had parents who loved us, but their generation generally did not find it easy (or were unaware of the need) to discuss deeper issues with their young people.
While on campus, we 'married' ourselves (without family or friends) in a chapel before 'God' on the I.U. Bloomington campus, and I lived in the frat house from Thursday to Sunday night. Life was all partying or studying. This was not at all abnormal during those years ('69-73) in the middle of the sexual revolution, the Vietnam War, Woodstock, and and the devaluation of life with the Roe V. Wade decision (1973).
Immediately out of nursing school, my boyfriend (now my husband of 38 years) and I lived together as did many, but certainly not all, of our classmates. We finally did get properly married, much to my mother's relief. We were 21 and 22.
Upon graduation as an RN, I worked in open-heart surgery at a large metropolitan hospital. Occasionally, when there was a need for extra personnel in the abortion area of that hospital, I would be called on to assist as were other surgical nurses. Even after being raised in a private Christian school environment (and calling myself a Christian), I was unable to apply the things I studied in my catechism class to real life decisions. I was for all practical purposes "dead in my trespasses and sins."
"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—" ~Eph. 2: 1 I am ashamed to say that we had an abortion several years into our marriage. We had bought into the worldly view of living for ourselves, careers, money, and things.
Two decisions forever changed the direction of my life~ 1.) breaking God's protective commands regarding the sacredness of marriage (having sex before marriage) and 2.) disregarding the sanctity of life (participating in and having an abortion). I didn't know it would affect my health, my fertility in years to come, or undermine our own self-respect or our respect for each other.
Nevertheless, God faithfully lead us to a solid Bible-believing church, and I finally accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior at 29. By this time, I was really suffering emotionally. The pain got my attention. You can't tell me that abortion doesn't mess you up! I had already had several miscarriages and knew there were other things wrong.
The worst were flashbacks to assisting in a surgical abortion one day at the hospital where I found a perfect, tiny hand less than the size of a dime stuck to the side of my gloved hand. It is terrible to remember it. I ran out of the OR and refused to go back. It has taken years for those scars to heal. I learned the value of human life in a split second. It wasn't tissue to me anymore; it was a baby!
Now slowly my perspective changed. My whole being desired to be a mother, to bring forth new life within our marriage and before God. And we could not! Years went by with several more miscarriages. We did two home-studies in order to adopt, one Korean, and one local, but the Lord chose to close the doors. These are stories in themselves... Many, many people at our church and other friends were praying for us.
After 8 years of pursuing medical help to conceive (Clomid and surgeries for endometriosis), and then 4 years off, I got a call from a surgeon I worked with who told me about a new procedure called GIFT (gamete intra-fallopian transfer). I was working nights, 7 days a week, to afford the earlier procedures since insurance wouldn't pay for infertility treatment. I felt the clock ticking the years off my life...
After much prayer and many tears, we decided to go ahead. The first GIFT produced 2 tiny heart beats seen on ultrasound at 4+ weeks. One was in the (wrong) fallopian tube... the damaged tube! We had a tubal pregnancy which is dangerous, but both babies failed to grow. It was so discouraging: over $11,000 and nothing to show for it, but stress and grief and high levels of drugs (Metrodin, Lupron, and Pergonal).
I was determined to continue since there was a 36% chance in those days of delivering a live baby. We were told there was no other way.
(I clung to the verses of Isaiah 54: 11-15, especially verse 13) The second attempt went perfectly in every way. Twins! We were SO excited! My middle quickly got big, but in the fourth month I realized I was not growing in measurement. I was getting smaller!
(Two babies) A hastily arranged ultrasound revealed that one of the little lives I carried had died several weeks before. We saw a separate sac with little bones, and were told our second baby might miscarry, too. We were crushed, and I was in anguish. I was guilty of all those earlier years, and just knew I was being punished.
I almost forgot about the life within me as I focused on the loss. "Why God?" Satan almost destroyed my joy, except that Jesus is greater! "Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5: 8)
Later, even though our other baby would be fine, I felt such frustration because if we didn't want an only child, we would have to go through another of these uniquely stressful procedures with all the costs, shots, and stress leading up to it. Then once the procedure is over, there is the waiting for that determining ultrasound to give you the news, good or bad!
Having a baby can easily become an idol! I had to get over it so I could focus on having a joyful heart for my husband and new son. It was the will of a loving, sovereign God, and His comforting presence was very real. "... give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." ~1 Thessalonians 5: 18
Finally, the day arrived, and the Lord in His mercy gave us a beautiful, healthy son. My aching arms were filled, and we dedicated him to the King of Kings for His glory!
I can't describe the joy and wonder of it all. We had been married 19 plus years!!
My doctor said I was 'jump-started' with all the hormones, so we did a third GIFT to give our new son a little brother or sister. We were blessed with adorable, healthy twins exactly two years later. We praise God for His abundant grace and mercy!
Now I value life!
It has been a long road to forgiving myself for assisting in and having an abortion, but I found the Lord has welcoming arms to forgive us when we come to Him in repentance. We are sinners, but by His grace, we have hope... and now can see His guiding hand in it all. Thank You, Lord, for birthing in us new life, spiritually and physically! "... I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live." ~Deuteronomy 30: 19
The takeaway: We have been able to share with our children (appropriately, through time) the curses we had brought upon ourselves. That has protected them, to a large degree, from repeating the same mistakes which we made. It is a blessing to tell them of the mighty things that the LORD has done for us while we were yet in unbelief and of the restoring power found only in trusting Christ Jesus. Today we enjoy a rich relationship with each of our children by the grace of Almighty God. I share this with you to encourage and strengthen YOU that no matter where you find yourself, our gracious God is always at work. Never give up hope, dear one. ______________________________________________
For 38 years now, I have been first a wife, but also a teacher of our children in the home. Now a new season is here, and with the blessing of my husband, I write DeepRootsAtHome as an encouragement to myself and others. (Titus 2: 3-5) What I share will be varied and practical…focused on being a good steward at home, of our time, and our relationships…but I also love to do things that bring beauty and order to our hectic lives and reflect God’s creativity. Oh, may we learn how important our jobs are as we become older women of God to speak into the younger woman! The habits of the home in one generation become the morals of society in the next. As William Ross Wallace said: “The hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world.” 10 May, 1996 Washington Times.
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Holy Spirit Led Homeschooling, The Modest Mom, Raising Arrows, The Better Mom, A Mama's Story, Time-Warp Wife, Deep Roots At Home, Raising Homemakers, Women Living Well, A Wise Woman,
