It's only natural for a parent to want to protect their children from harmful influences. We make sure our toddlers don't go for walks in the evening down the street by themselves.We keep poorly rated movies out of our house. We don't let them play with fire or knives, or experiment with drugs and alcohol. All of these things are well and good, but I wonder, how much thought do we give towards one of the most effective forces in a child's life - his friends?
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To a large degree, we become like the people we hang around with. We tend to choose our friends based on how much we have in common with them. We feel comfortable confiding in people who share the same taste in music, clothing, lifestyle, and worldview. We share our experiences and rub off on each other. The natural leader of a pair will encourage the other to go one step further, for better or for worse.
In the life of a young child who is still in the process of forming their worldview, there are few things as persuasive as the opinion of someone their own age with whom they feel a deep connection. This is why it is utterly important to teach our children what the Bible says about the kind of friends we should have, and perhaps more importantly, the kind of one we should be. The best time to instill these qualities into their impressionable little hearts is as soon as we can, before their allegiances are already concrete.
5 traits of a good friend 1. They speak the truth in love. A good friend will caution a child against something they know he/she shouldn't be doing rather than joining in on the "fun." Proverbs 27:6 2. They help in times of trouble. A good friend will not cut off ties with a child because of a crisis that leaves him disfigured, scarred, or financially incapable of the lifestyle he enjoyed before. Instead, a good friend comes alongside a fallen comrade and helps him get back on his feet. Ecclesiastes 4: 9, 10
3. They give good advice. A good friend makes himself familiar with God's Word and is able to offer a righteous recommendation or instruction when called upon for their opinion.Proverbs 27:9
4. They stand by you. A good friend is in the relationship for the long haul. They don't move on after an argument or squabble. Instead, they continue to show themselves friendly, refrain from gossiping or speaking evil about the offender, offer or receive forgiveness, and get on with the friendship - barring all grudges. Proverbs 18:24; Proverbs 17:17
5. They refine you. A good friend is concerned about spiritual growth. They are not comfortable with an easy, stagnant life, but engage in discussions about things that are relevant to the advancement of Christ's Kingdom work in your life and the world. Proverbs 13:20; Proverbs 27:17
God also warns us about the kind of people we are to avoid:
4 traits of a poor friend
1. They are immoral and have no regard for other. People who are living in open sin and rebellion are those that need to be ministered to, not made friends with. I Corinthians 5:11
2. They change like the wind. Be wary of those who are quick to change their minds - especially in regards to issues that serious consequences. Proverbs 24:21, 22
3. They are angry, often. Don't make friends with those who have no control over their temper or are prone to violent assaults. Proverbs 22: 24;25
4. They are irreverent toward God and His Word. A person who has no place for the Lord in his heart should not hold any sway over ours. Psalm 119: 63; 2 Corinthians 6: 14-15
What traits do you encourage your children to look for in a friend? How much involvement do you have as a parent in choosing who they hang around with? How much is too much? I'd love to hear your thoughts on the topic!