Last week, I wrote something in a Facebook status that shouldn't have been written. It was an attempt at humor, but ended up being more off-color than funny. An older, wiser, godly friend wrote me about it.
Initially, I felt hurt and offended. "It's none of her business what I write," I thought. I didn't want to respond in a reactionary way (it's a sure way to make an even bigger fool of myself, I've discovered), so I mulled over her words for a while before re-reading them again after I had cooled down.
Everything she had written was done in a spirit of love and gentleness. She presented the truth and offered it up with plenty of grace and forgiveness. Like a good Titus 2 mentor, she took the opportunity to teach me "to be discreet, chaste, good... that the word of God be not blasphemed." (v.5) She wrote be because she was taking her responsibility to "be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, teachers of good things" seriously (v.5).
It wasn't about picking a bone with me. In all the years I've known her, she's never been one to offer cutting, critical, or dissenting opinions, or insist on having the last word. It's out of character for her to be disagreeable or write to prove how much she knows. She is sweet, gracious, kind, wise, godly, and clothed with humility.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized how blessed I am to have someone in my life who, in an era where it's cool to scream "Intolerance!" to anyone who picks up on our sin, cares enough about my personal holiness and spiritual well-being to risk friendship, misunderstanding, criticism, gossip, and being falsely accused of judgementalism, legalism, and self-righteousness. I was floored when I realized what she put at stake out of genuine concern for my own reputation and well-being!
On the one hand we younger mothers often bemoan the lack of Titus 2 mentors; on the other, we get upset when they are courageous enough to do their job. Having a mentor isn't just about receiving practical help, advice, and words of encouragement; it's about desiring to live a holy life that's pleasing to God, which necessarily entails being confronted in our sin at some point or another.
"Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." Hebrews 12:11"It's just a phase they all go through," we explain as we reprimand our toddler for snapping "NO!" at us again.
"Sarcasm is my spiritual gift," we laugh in an attempt to soften the edges of our cutting words.
"I'm just sayin' it like it it," we confirm of an honest statement, not spoken in kindness.
"I'm not arguing; I'm enjoying a healthy debate," we justify of our need to always have the last word.
"I'm just sharing my concerns so we can pray for her more specifically," we gossip about the details of another's life during prayer meeting.
We are adept at wrapping up sin with pretty bows. Who can argue against a "natural progression" in childhood development, a joke, honesty, a healthy debate, or prayer without appearing to judge another's motives or reeking or self-righteousness? We feel so insured and justified by our ability to reason sin away, and few things are more painful then someone tugging at the end of our ribbons to reveal what's inside and call it by name.
Suddenly the Bible, which seemed to have nothing to say about the sin we cleverly concealed, comes alive with rebuttals to put our accusers in their place.
"Judge not that you been not judged," we quote perfectly.
"How about you worry about the plank in your own eye before pointing out the speck in mine," we ask, referencing Matthew 7:3.
"The Lord knows my heart," we say, as if that's supposed to be comforting.
Excusing our sin and taking offense to biblical reproof doesn't just categorize us as fools (Proverbs 28:13; 1:5; 12:1; 9:8), it stunts our spiritual growth, and eliminates opportunities to live out the Gospel for our children and all those we meet.
It's not until we begin to grasp God's holiness, our grave depravity, and His extraordinary grace and forgiveness that we can understand and appreciate the biblical institution of mentorship, and seek out a godly role model who is willing to address our unhealthy habits with Scripture and in Christian love so we can become more and more like the God we claim to serve.
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