Things were so much simpler back in the days when everything was hard. You poured your sweat into the soil and fought for a crop that would see your family through until the next harvest. There was no struggle for excessive cash flow as needs were basic and lacked extravagance. The Industrial Age had not yet left its indelible mark and the frenzy of electronics hadn't swept in complicating everything with it's simplification.
But more specifically, birth control was not yet in vogue.
Responsible planning now means you snatch up a great house in an area where the resale values are good. It means you systematically pay off the two SUVs that transport you and your spouse to white collar jobs. And you postpone "starting a family" until you're completely settled, financially stable and feel ready to cash in the carefree life for kids.
Now don't mistake me... I'm all for being responsible. I've worked hard for 14 years to instill core values into my children that will give them a foundation for wise decision-making. But I'd have to say I'm a proponent for responsible preparation rather than planning. While that may seem very much like splitting hairs, there is a huge difference. Especially when it comes to fertility.
Married at 20, I gave birth to my first child just a week before my 21st birthday. While most eventually celebrated the pregnancy with us, that quick conception was our introduction into the world of naysayers. We almost instantly learned it wasn't "wise" to just let things happen. A little slow in catching on, we were prepared the next time! Soon after our son was born we responsibly got some tiny little pills that, if taken correctly, would prevent a repeat of our first senseless mistake.
Our first three boys when they were 7, 6 and 4 Those little pills were a big fail and within 5 months I was expecting. This time there were two sacs, though one stopped developing fairly early and few people knew. It little mattered that we had heeded all that advice and done our part to resist growing our family... the news of even one was not generally well received. Not willing to be played the fool a third time, we re-strategized and settled on the depo-provera shot as our weapon of choice. Certain we were now bullet-proof, we settled comfortably into life with our sweet little boys. For about a year, that is, until a missed cycle and an overpriced plastic stick confirmed we had again put far too much faith in our plan!
The voices of protest were silent that time, as the pregnancy ended in miscarriage before we'd been brave enough to announce our news. I was beginning to have serious doubts about the wisdom behind our planning. Our best efforts weren't keeping me from getting pregnant, and worse, we'd now lost two babies. I had a sneaking suspicion that chemical prevention methods had a hand in those misfortunes. So we turned to non-chemical options with similar results... and our family grew by three in the following 4 years.
Sweet Hannah, child #4, at age 3! Our fifth child was also from what began as a twin pregnancy. Feeling mildly panicked because I'd now conceived multiples twice, my then-husband scheduled an appointment for a vasectomy. The surgery took place just 6 weeks before our daughter was born and I honestly hadn't protested. I was exhausted, not only from five successive pregnancies and seemingly perpetual nursing, but from the rash of unkind remarks and jokes at our expense.
Would it surprise you at all to learn that even post-vas I conceived? It certainly shocked us, though all three times ended in loss! Some people require only a gentle nudge to catch on, while others need to be body-slammed. Apparently we were numbered among the latter! I'm happy to say that at some point I did finally realize God wasn't terribly in love with all my planning. And that I am totally in love with every single one of my children! Even the ones I didn't think I wanted! He was teaching me to simply open my heart to His plan and embrace the beautiful little people He'd loaned me. And that simple exercise has been a wonderful preparation in accepting His will in every other area of my life!
{In a difficult turn of events, my first marriage ended. I remarried and promptly conceived twin boys, who turned one in June. The voices of my past still make me tremble, so if I bravely whisper an announcement one of these days, just know it has been a life-long battle to surrender control of my plan to His will!}
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Kasey is the cherished wife of Robbie and the mother to seven children: Micah, Nikolas, Alexander, Hannah, Abigail, Levi, and Quinn. The grace of God carries her from one chapter of life to the next, and His faithfulness through homeschooling, motherhood, and homemaking, is often the subject of her writing at Walking Redeemed.